we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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