life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
