Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
