You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
