Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
