We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
People in love make me want to vomit
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When did angry sex become our thing?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We are all done wearing pants today
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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