batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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