im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize