Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you had me at cake vodka
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
God, I missed his penis.
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