Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
