Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
