i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
