I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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