break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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