I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my poor anus
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
