i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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