You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
