I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
