I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
