I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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