can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
