we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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