I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
