I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
