She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Text me some of your sweat
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
