One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
