just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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