Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
