EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
