She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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