Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
