I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
