I'm jealous of your bromance
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
