i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
