I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
