your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
