I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
