Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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