Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
