If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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