I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
