It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
