I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
