You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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