biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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