Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
