i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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