just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
