Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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