Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
