So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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