Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
