That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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