New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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