Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
