we made out on top of his cat.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
