I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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