I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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