lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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