i was born a porn star she said
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize