i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
