remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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