so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
