I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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