allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
