I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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