Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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