my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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