I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
