I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
