Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
