Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
